Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
