last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
