I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
