i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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