remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
