I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
