I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
