This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
