Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
