And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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