So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
