Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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