I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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