my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
