woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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