so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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