Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
