we're chasing vodka with high fives
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
