when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
