There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
