Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We got so high we made milksteak
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
