I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
