69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
