your room smells of hookers.
And success
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am one with the molecules
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
