I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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