If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
