I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Damn victory sex feels great
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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