I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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