He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
