All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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