Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nicole vs. Life
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
His hands were made for my vagina.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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