She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
