This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
