she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
