it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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