If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
