one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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