she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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