Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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