Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
