Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
