How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
