So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
