So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
