the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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