I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
