I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
