Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
another moral hangover. fuck.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
