you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
