Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
