My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize