Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you would pick up someone in the library
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
