I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
