The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
