cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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