Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
