I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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