Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
