he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
