I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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