smell my finger.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
