I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize