Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
