Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
