from now on my penis is your penis
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
