then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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