hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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