you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize