It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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