woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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