While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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