look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
