"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
