She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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