Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
