My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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