When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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