theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I need to calm my uterus...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
